The Thing About Marriage
by Mrs. Peeta Mellark 97
Summary: Story about Katniss and Peeta in between Mockingjay ending and Epilogue...
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I don't (unfortunately) own the Hunger Games, but…I do own my mind (I hope, anyways...) and my ideas (thank God!), so here is the idea that came out of my mind this morning when I woke up. It's in Peeta's POV (point of view), by the way, I thought I would try my hand at writing his perspective. This story takes place in between the end of **_**Mockingjay **_**and the epilogue. IMPORTANT: Peeta's family is not dead, Finnick and Annie are still alive and happily married. District 13 still exists, but it's now the Military and Infrastructure center of Panem, so only soldiers and officers reside there.**

**Also, I'd like to do another SYOT, so PM me if you would want one. I would need all of the characters before I started writing… **

**ANYWHO… Without further ado, let's go!**

** -mrspeetamellark97 **

I walked down the road to Katniss's-no-_my_-house, it's still hard to think of it as _our _house. As I approach the faded door, I contemplate repainting it, then decide against it. Katniss wouldn't care, but I would. The green of that door was my connection to Katniss and her family.

After the first Hunger Games, I came by her house one day, with the intent of apologizing for thrusting her into this situation that she was so uncomfortable with, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, I was too scared, too weak, to talk to the girl that I had loved almost all of my life. Instead I went up to the door, raised my fist to knock, then turned and ran away. I couldn't do it, not now, not ever. I went back to my house that day, and got some green paint, thinking I could paint her the trees in the forest, where she went as a sanctuary. I tried to take a casual stroll, with my paint can in my hand, down by the fence, where she snuck through every week to hunt. I stared up at the trees for a while, and then started walking again. My feet led me while my mind wandered, and I ended up at her front door. It was cracked and peeling, weathered and old, and it looked like it was about to fall off of its hinges. Before I could dissuade myself, I started to paint, and I didn't stop until I was done. It was a beautiful green now, and her house looked like a home when it had this proper door on it. I left quickly, realizing that Katniss may plan on calling the Peacekeepers on me for vandalizing her house, but I came back, an hour later with some cheese buns, that I knew were her favourite thing at the bakery, and left them in a bag with a note reading :

"_Hope these are still your favourites._

_-Peeta"_

The fond memories of painting that door, and her reaction, came over me like a wave from the ocean. _The ocean-district four-all month. _I had been gone for a month in District 4, visiting Finnick and Annie, and their delightful children. I remembered the way Katniss looked at me when I came home just last week, so full of longing and worry. She looked awful, like she hadn't slept in days. It turns out, she had been so worried when I left she couldn't sleep. She would have awful nightmares, and without me there, she had no solace during the night, and so, rather than trying to sleep, she just stayed awake, awaiting my return. I looked at her face, and realized that I could not bear to leave her like that again. She looked so hurt, and rejected. Her grey eyes reflected sadness, tears, and lost hope in the world. I could not let her remain that way. We went in, and for that night, she slept soundly in my arms, without a nightmare, while I stayed awake, thinking about everything I had seen in District 4. Finnick and Annie had an adorable girl, named Maggie, and a cute son, named Percy. They were respectively, 7 and 3, and they were adorable. Well behaved, energetic, spunky, my eyes lit up at the thought of it. Katniss could never do it. She never looked at children the same way after Prim died. She fell into a deep depression that could only be broken on high occasions of happiness, in which case she barely noticed. I was beside myself with grief for Prim, and for her, but I had to remain strong, for her, for Prim. I had to put my pride behind me, and be there for her, so she could have someone to lean on, even though she was still foreign to me.

Then she was sent back to District 12, and I was to remain in the Capitol, for further testing. I was struck at the feelings I experienced when she was gone. Anger, loathing, hurt, sadness, loneliness. I felt as if the people around me, and she, had betrayed me, and left me all alone to be a test pilot for these monsters. I bore with it, the loneliness, sadness, the strange feeling I felt in my heart, which was like an ache, because of her absence. Finally I was sent back home, to District 12.

The first thing I did was to buy a bush, a primrose bush, for Katniss. My arms, supposedly healed, but still weak from intense training and then therapy, throbbed as I pushed the shrub in a wheelbarrow to her house, a small building towards the outskirts of the main city. She looked out the window at me, and scowled, before she realized that they were primroses, after which her expression visibly changed, and she quickly shut the curtain. I could hear her, crying, weeping, and it broke my heart, but I knew she didn't want me in her house, her life, anymore. Instead I put my all into planting that bush, not ashamed of the trail of tears on my face. When I was finished, the bush was beautiful, sweet and innocent, just like Prim.

Five years later, I was married to her, and deeply in love. We purchased a house together, and transplanted the primrose bush to our new home. We lived happily there, with me working at the bakery, and Katniss hunting as she pleased, bringing in game for the town, and for us. Then I started being called away, to attend meetings in the other Districts, sometimes for military advice, sometimes for governmental, and sometimes to be on a television show. Initially, Katniss was thrilled that I was better, and that I was important enough to have advice taken form me. Then, she started slipping away from me again… So now, I was at my wits end… What was I to do, if she didn't love me anymore? She was-_is_- my life. I love her... Maybe if we had that talk again, it would help.

**SO….how was it? I tried to capture Peeta, but I'm pretty sure I epically failed…..Review, PM, do whatever, I'll take criticism, and/or compliments (if there's actually anything to compliment, that is…) **

**Love Y'all**

**-mrspeetamellark97**


	2. Chapter 2

**One review in one day…Not Bad…I saw better with my old SYOT, but that got mistakenly taken down. Anyways, it doesn't matter because **

**I have a new chapter for you**

**I'm excited about the one review anyways (thanks so much , Loretta)**

**I have important news for you!**

**My important news.**

**I'm going to be away for a month at a summer camp with my sister, and we are not allowed to have technology there, so I'm giving you the warning that I'll be gone…It always drove me crazy that people would leave and then not tell their readers (if they had any) about it, and then they would just expect them to keep the page open and refreshing every day and…Sorry, but that really annoys me…**

**So, Reviews and PMs are always welcome, along with constructive (or not) criticism…Only thing I ask, is please do not swear in any of your messages to me…I have a firm belief against cursing… Which also means for you, that if Peeta or Katniss or someone is upset, and they do curse, I'll literally say: **

"_**Katniss cursed at the bedpost as she fell to the ground" **_

**or something of the sort. That's all I can think of, so thanks for reading, and I'll see you maybe again tonight, but probably after camp… Don't expect another chapter until July 15****th****… Love Y'all**

**-mrspeetamellark97**

I stepped across the threshold of our house, anxiously anticipating the reaction of my wife. Katniss was sitting at the kitchen table, with nothing in front of her, and with a blank expression on her face. She appeared to be contemplating something serious. I was concerned for her, she hadn't been eating, but she was getting slightly larger in her stomach area. I was concerned that she was bloated, or that she had ruptured an organ or something life-threatening, but she hadn't mentioned anything to me since I had come back. In fact, she had hardly said fifteen sentences to me since I had come back.

"Katniss, honey?" I gingerly walked over to the kitchen table, so that I was directly in her sight, and she had to look at me.

"Katniss?" She was not responding to me, and she didn't appear to be in pain, but she also didn't appear to hear me. I reached out to touch her shoulder, hoping to console her, or at least to bring her out of this trance. Instead I got a slap in the face. Literally.

"Peeta, what are you doing? Don't touch me." She hissed at me, "Go away, I don't want to see you again!"

I tried to protest, and make her more comfortable-something was definitely going on- but she insisted, angrily, that I leave, and she slapped me a few times for good measure.

"Katniss? I'm going to go upstairs and lie down for a while, alright? Before I go, though, I want you to know that I love you and that you can always talk to me about anythi-"

She cut me off again, and I was expecting it this time. I braced myself for her explosive reaction.

"About what? Do you understand what I'm going through? No. So just-just go upstairs. Leave me alone."

She had me there. I didn't know what she was going through, but I was pretty sure that the neighbors were probably calling the authorities on us, if any of them had heard Katniss' screaming at me.

"Okay, okay. You're right. I'm wrong. I'm going up to bed now, I may be down later."

I walked up the stairs dejectedly, trying to understand what I had done to make my wife so angry and vicious towards me. As I approached my bedroom, a number of thoughts came into my mind, one of which was the stinging of my cheek from where Katniss had slapped me. It brought back memories from the first games. We had gotten mad at Haymitch for not actually trying to mentor us, and not giving us any real advice, so I knocked his alcohol to the floor, and ended up with a punch in the face, while she stabbed the table between his fingers, making him actually stop and consider us.

That was what I missed with Katniss. She had-until moments ago- lost her fire, her anger that made her who she is. But now, all of her anger seemed to be directed at me, and I still wasn't sure why. As I took off my work clothes, and got ready for bed, I could hear her downstairs, sobbing, but I knew that she didn't want me to interfere with her feelings right now. I put some ice on my cheek, now that I had looked in the mirror and seen that it was bright red, and I lightly lay down on the bed, contemplating her reaction. I had a friend who was into behavioral analysis, and she had told me a few things about Katniss' actions. Katniss had been depressed, she told me, but I knew that. She still was, as far as I could see, she had just been pleasant for a little while. I had only been back for two weeks, anyway. Maybe she was just angry about something that happened while I was gone. I was tired, my ice had melted, and it didn't sound like Katniss would be coming upstairs anytime soon, so I cleaned up my things, turned off the light and fell asleep.

I awoke the next morning to Katniss screaming, crying, and cursing. I sat up quickly, immediately thinking that I needed to help her, but then I slowed myself. After last night, she didn't seem to want to be around anyone, let alone me. But then I heard her pleading with me, and it tore at my heart.

"Peeta." She gasped. "Peeta, please come here. Come help me. It hurts."

I could hear the heavy breaths she was taking, and her labored breathing worried me. She was Katniss, the hunter of District 12, she didn't get winded easily, not even by running. I was worried that she would be passed out on the floor with a scary pool of blood around her, as she had in the games, and when I started moving, I realized how concerned I was for her. My response to her was more important than my feelings right now, so I rushed down the hall, and down the stairs to see if she was alright. I knew she wouldn't be, in my gut, but I knew I had to help her. As I entered the kitchen, I was unnerved. There she was, lying on the floor unconscious, with a pool of blood around her leg, which was twisted at an unnatural angle. I just knew that wasn't right. I saw a glass cup had smashed under her leg, and assumed that that was how she had cut herself. I gingerly picked her up and laid her on the couch, and went to the bathroom to get the first aid kit. I brought it back out to the family room, and looked at her leg. I cleaned off the wound, and pulled the glass out, which made it bleed more, but I put a bandage over it to make it stop. Then I realized that I was unequipped to handle with the more obvious issue with her leg. The telephone was on the table in front of me, and while I stared at it trying to figure out what I should do next, I realized that her mother would be able to understand what had occurred, if I sent her a picture and then called her, so I found my camera and took a picture, a formality I wish I could have avoided, because I hate seeing Katniss that helpless. Then, I dialed her mother's number and waited for her to pick up. We had a pleasant conversation, but then I explained that Katniss had fallen, and twisted her leg pretty badly. Mrs. Everdeen looked at the picture and told me over the phone that Katniss had pulled the muscles in her knee and ankle again. Apparently this was a common occurrence. She gave me instructions on what to do, and told me to call her again if anything worsened. I thanked her profusely, but then went back to tending to my wife. As I wrapped her ankle, I appreciated how beautiful she was, just sleeping there, she looked so much younger, so untroubled. I wish I could make her look like that all the time. I knew when she woke up, she wouldn't want me there, so I heated up some cheese buns for her, put them on a plate in front of the couch, and left her a note with instructions and I love you. Then I headed to the bakery, to try and get some work done, and clear my head.

**So? How was it? Let me know. I love writing these! They're so much fun! Anyways, Read, review, PM, contact me, whatever you want! Thanks so much for reading!**

**-mrspeetamellark97**


	3. Chapter 3

So I came back from camp, last week...I kind of maybe stayed two extra weeks... (Embarrassed blush) I apologize that I couldn't alert you all. Now that that's over and done: I have a new chapter for you!

It's more serious than the other two, so keep that in mind. And there are mentions of suicide, so if that bothers you, don't read this chapter. Anywho, I hope that you enjoy this chapter; it's a slightly different style than my normal.

So, Reviews and PMs are always welcome, along with constructive (or not) criticism…Only thing I ask, is please do not swear in any of your messages to me…I have a firm belief against cursing… This also means for you, that if Peeta or Katniss or someone is upset, and they do curse, I'll literally say:

"Katniss cursed at the bedpost as she fell to the ground"

So, new chapter! Enjoy!

I made Katniss take it easy after that. She tried to argue with me, but I was forceful. This pattern continued until her leg was better. Then I realized that she was getting slimmer again, in the stomach area. That was when I realized something was wrong. Women don't gain and lose wait that quickly, not naturally anyways. So one day, when she was very pale and looked sickly, I pretended to go off to work, so I kissed the top of her head and started to walk towards the bakery. Quickly I looped around and sat right below the window next to the back door, and listened for the telltale creak of our old bathroom door. That would allow me easy access to the house through the back. After about ten minutes, I heard the creak and slowly opened the door to my house. I crept in and went up the stairs, and into my room, from which I could hear nearly all of the first floor, including the bathroom. At first, I heard nothing. But then, I listened closer and I heard gagging, and coughing. I listened again and I heard my wife vomit.

I searched my mind for anything she might have eaten or consumed that would have made her sick. Nothing. She was making herself sick.

"Katniss, what have you done to yourself?" I thought.

Obviously, there was an issue. My wife was in the bathroom trying to make herself sick, and I was just listening to it. I had no solutions at that point, but felt as if I couldn't stand, let alone leave the room.

"What is causing my wife to purposely make herself sick?" I wondered. "Am I to blame for this predicament? Is she Bulimic? Is that my fault? Is she still suicidal? Is she hurting herself?"

My mind raced and I laid back down on the bed. This was going to be a hard day.

I somehow found it within me to eventually leave the house and go to work as I was supposed to, but the whole time, my thoughts were on Katniss. I was worried to the point of anxiety about what she was doing to herself at home. So worried, in fact, that I burned myself 5 times on the same arm and had to be sent to the hospital because I didn't feel the pain since I was focused so strongly on her. They cleaned and bandaged my lower and upper arm, and then sent me home and told me to be more careful. I promised that I would be and then drove straight home. She was sitting at the kitchen table as if nothing ever happened. I knew something had though, because she didn't immediately notice the sterile white bandages against the tan of my skin tone. Which was fine, I didn't want her to worry about me anyways. She was my main concern. I sat down across from her, and started asking her questions. At first they were simple.

"What's your middle name?"

"How old are you?"

"What's your favourite color?"

"How many years have we been married?"

Then I got to the hard questions.

"What did you do today?"

"Are you feeling alright now?"

"Are you having urges to hurt yourself, kill, yourself or make yourself sick?"

"Are you following those urges?"

I almost didn't want to know the answers to some of these questions. I mean, no one wants to find out that while they go to work, their wife is hurting herself. It tore me to pieces, listening to her responses.

"Lacey"

"23"

"Forest green"

"7 years"

"I um...stayed home because I wasn't feeling good."

"Not really, actually. I'm not feeling much better than I was 20 minutes a-I mean this morning..."

"Why would you ask such a stupid question? Do you really think I'm hurting myself? Or suicidal? Or making myself sick?"

"What do you think? I don't have scars up and down my arms, do I? How could you even think of asking me something so personal? I feel so...so...violated! And I'm not making myself sick either...it just happens whenever I-" she stopped herself to cuss, making it known that she'd let too much information slip.

"It happens whenever you what, Katniss? I want to know, not so I can pity you, but so I can help you. You got very defensive when I asked if you'd been hurting yourself, which makes me think that you were. Along with that, you're clearly having some sort of digestive disorder, considering you've been getting thinner within the week. That's not healthy, sweetheart. I love you to death, which is why I'm telling you this. Not because I want to hurt you, or make you feel dependent. Because I love you. I love you. "

Katniss took that as a good time to change the subject.

"What happened?" she asked and slightly gestured to my arm.

"You happened, Katniss. I burned myself so badly that I had to be taken to the hospital, because of you, Katniss. I love you and I was so worried about you this morning when I went to work. I was distracted and irritable and I wasn't paying attention. That's what happened, Katniss. "

I spit the last few words out, because now I was angry with the fact that she wouldn't believe how worried I was about her. I could feel an attack coming on and I didn't want her to see or face the wrath of it.

"Katniss, please go to our room and lock the door. I don't want to hurt you, so please don't make me explain. Just do it." I pleaded.

She tried to protest but after hearing the desperation in my voice, was unsure of what was happening, so she followed my orders quickly. Which then made me worry again that she was going to do something to herself in there, but I didn't have time to maintain my regrets as I went into a full on tracker-jacker venom induced attack.

I saw distorted flashbacks of Katniss, trying to kill my family. And then when she failed trying to kill herself, and succeeding. When I broke out of the attack, it had been two and a half hours, and I was curled up in a ball crying on the floor.

That was when I decided that I needed to solve this, and I needed help. I picked up the telephone and dialed her mother. Her mom picked up on the third ring, sounding exhausted.

"Hello, Peeta. Is there a problem?"

From there I explained all of the things I had just talked about with Katniss, and she listened, inputting her comments on things every once in a while. Then she explained to me.

"When Katniss was younger, she was very carefree, and happy. She loved life and flowers and things that young girls are supposed to like. Then she got older and matured in a sense. There was still the fun-loving girl that we all loved, but it took lots of digging to get there. When her father died, it was the last straw. Prim was only 8, and so Katniss took it upon herself to mother her, and take care of her. That was when she first started hurting herself. She thought I didn't notice, because of the inconspicuous places where she would do it on herself, but a mother always knows. I started removing things from her room, things that she might try and use to hurt herself again, but it was no use. She found ways and I found sorrow. That was part of the reason I was so out of everything. I remembered hearing about my husband's death and being shocked, but the combination of that and this new revelation with Katniss, it was enough to put me over the edge. She also became suicidal during that time in her life, but was unable to express her desires except to Gale, who would then come back and inform me what she had said while they were out hunting. I was so worried about her, and she had thought that I didn't care. It wasn't that I didn't care about her and Prim, rather it was that I cared too much. She worried me with her talk to Gale about things she could do to herself. It scared me, and frightened me into submission. She has had many relapses in the past 9 years, I will tell you that, but only one while she's been married to you. The best thing to do, is to tell her she's beautiful, amazing and extraordinary. Shower her with compliments and show and tell her how much you care. She will bounce back, eventually..."

And that was that for my conversation with Mrs. Everdeen. I went to bed on the couch that night, but I didn't fall asleep, I just lay there and thought of all of the ways I could make Katniss feel loved.

Sooooo...how was it? I know that this chapter made the entire story go into a new plot, but this actually was my plan...(as of today when I wrote this...:P) anywho, I plan on getting another chapter up this week, but a few reviews or PMs might speed that process up a bit...(hint hint) So, in short, please read, review, PM, and tell your friends to read my story. It would mean the world to me, and it would be a great birthday present...(August 5th...)

Thanks everyone!

-mrspeetamellark97

Responses to reviews:

TWIMOMJAIME: thanks so much! It's here now!


	4. Chapter 4

**So here's the deal... There are 4 of you favoriting my story, And 6 of you who are following it. Plus, over 370 people read this story last month, But I have 3 (that's right, only three) reviews and no PMs. I know that there are only three chapters, but you could still jot something down and send it. Reviews mean the world to me, and as I already mentioned, my birthday is rapidly approaching (august 15-sorry I forgot to add the 1 in my other chapters...I'm not a year older yet) , so this way, if you don't know me, you can celebrate, too. By leaving me a review or a PM if you have an account. Also, I accept anonymous reviews, so if you don't have an account or are too lazy/busy to log onto yours, send me a review. So...I think I've made my point, and I apologize for the rant. Anywho, the one review I have gotten for this chapter made me itching to write more, so I did and rather quickly, if I do say so myself, given my very busy schedule. So as always I'm going to give you my review rule, and then, your chapter awaits. So, Reviews and PMs are always welcome, along with constructive (or not) criticism…Only thing I ask, is please do not swear in any of your messages to me…I have a firm belief against cursing… Which also means for you, that if Peeta or Katniss or someone is upset, and they do curse, I'll literally say: "Katniss cursed at the bedpost as she fell to the ground" New chapter, up next: **

**-mrspeetamellark97**

* * *

I woke up the next morning after a night of little sleep. After my conversation with Katniss' mother, I laid down for a while and thought out loud.

"My wife is having difficulty seeing her worth and value. Now what do I say to her? Her mom said bring up her attributes and compliment them, and she said to make her feel loved. How do I do that without making her angry and secretive?"

As I pondered these, my wife came downstairs from our room.

"Peeta, I'm not feeling well... In fact, I'm feeling rather awful."

After she said that, I hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to approach the delicate topic of her not feeling well. When I didn't respond quickly enough for her liking, she called for me again, this time in a panicked and anxious voice.

"Peeta, honey, where are you? You are down here aren't you? You didn't leave me, did you?"

That was when something clicked for me. Why would she have mentioned my leaving her if she wasn't afraid that it had happened and wanted confirmation that she still was loved. I couldn't bear to let her go on thinking I had left.

"Katniss. Katniss, sweetheart. I'm right here. I would never leave you. I love you too much."

I saw her figure visibly relax, and I motioned for her to come and sit on the couch by me. We sat there for a while, not talking. Not moving too much-except for my rubbing her back and squeezing her tightly to me.

"Katniss," I asked, "When You look at yourself what do you think?"

"Well..." she said, "I think that I'm ugly and uncoordinated , and without talent, and masculine and stupid and useless and, and worthless and a disappointment."

She started to cry. "I am worthless, and I'm not sure what I'm doing with someone as wonderful as you. I don't deserve any of this, not you, the house, my life. I'm not worth enough to deserve it. I want to...I want...to... "

With that, she began to cry even harder, and I couldn't make out what she said to me, and so I asked the question, already regretting what I assumed was going to come out of her mouth, the she wanted to leave me.

"Katniss, what did you say? What do you want?" Although that would've been a hard blow for me, what she actually said shocked me even more.

"No. No. No! I want to be gone. I want to be done. I want...I want to die, Peeta. I don't want to deal with this pain. "

I tried to comfort her, but she wouldn't let up on herself. She kept calling herself worthless, a failure, a disappointment. And then she said she had no reason to live, and that I should leave her now, before it was too late.

"Katniss, you are not a disappointment to anyone, let alone me, or your family. You are worth more than gold to me, and...and I love you so much it was unbearable when I was away from you. I went crazy, Katniss. Literally crazy. Half of that was because I was being poisoned, but as for the rest, it was for grief, and at the time I didn't know why or for what reason I was grieving. It was for you, I know now. I thought that I had lost YOU. You are my world. If you had died or even-"

I paused, not wanting to admit that my beautiful wife was suicidal. "even if you had committed suicide, that would've affected so many others. I would die for you. I almost did. Twice. I would do anything for you, but you not accepting that makes me miserable. I would do anything for you, don't you know that?"

"You're just worrying too much about me, as usual, Peeta. I can figure out my life on my own. Can't you see that?"

"No, Katniss. You can't, and I love you too much to let you try. It breaks my heart to see you like this every day. Please! You're unhealthy, you're sick. You need help and support more than anything else, and I'm will to give it to you."

"Peeta, you don't get it do you? I'm worried, afraid, all the time. That you're going to leave me, that you don't love me, that no one does. I just... can't keep functioning like this."

I took a deep breath before I started on her. "That's your anxiety talking, babe. I love you, always. "

"That's what I thought at first too, since it's made me not want to eat or drink or move or-or live before. But this was different. No one does love me. Not even you, Peeta. I know you try-so hard-to, but I'm more of a mutt than you realize. I killed children, Peeta! Innocent children. I'd be better off dead than with someone who cares. "

"Katniss, are you hearing things?" I had an idea, but I needed her to confirm my suspicions.

"Why do you ask?-What do you mean?" She looked at me curiously, with her grey eyes opened wide.

"The things that you're saying aren't coming from you, are they? They're coming from the voices in your head-right?" I inquired, curious as to how she would respond to my stretch of a guess.

"How did you-I never told-but-but I don't get how-yes" she said shamefully, as she hung her head in defeat. That took me aback, even though I was expecting it. My wife, Katniss, the strong woman I knew, heard voices in her head, was depressed, suicidal, and had self-harming tendencies. It was a lot to take in in 24 hours.

"Katniss, I love you more than the voices in your head. They're talking crap to you, and you need to remember that I love you more than anything in the world, and so does haymitch and your mom, and hazelle, and..."

I kept listing people until her crying got so loud and strong that I couldn't hear myself think. Then suddenly I got a burst of clarity.

"Katniss, you want to get better, right? Of course. You want to be healed. I'm not healed, but I'm able to stand on my feet. I'm able to say that I love you more than anything in the world, and that..."

I hesitated, knowing that this was a tough subject for both of us and that I was about to share my most personal details with her. "I'm able to stand up and say that I'm enough, and not feel the violent urge to cut myself, Katniss. I'm enough for anyone who comes my way, whether it's you, or my family, or your family, or haymitch, or...anyone. I'm enough. And I'm worth something, just like you."

I paused and looked at her face , still slightly shocked from what I had told her. Suddenly I was overtaken by anger at her nonchalant reaction, and I snapped.

"Are you happy now? Now that I've shared my deepest feelings with you? Now that I've let my guard completely down? Now that you know everything?" I stood up to make my point, and as I finished I started crying and sat down across from her.

"I'm not perfect, Katniss. No one is. We've all done things that we regret, and someday in our lives, it will affect us, but you can't get caught up on the stupid things you've done. I've been an idiot, stupid and uncaring. I gave you no love or support when they were injecting me with venom-did I? I was easy to turn on you-to change where my loyalties lay. I'm so stupid. "

Now it was Katniss' turn to play doctor. "Peeta, you're not stupid-or an idiot, you're just...broken."

"That's just it, Katniss. I'm too broken to be with someone-anyone. I almost killed you, who knows what could happen now, when you're unprotected and I'm upset. I could seriously hurt you, or kill you. I could never live with myself after that. "

"But your flashbacks have been much less violent as of late, haven't they?" Almost as soon as she said the words, I started to have one. I pleaded with my eyes for her to leave, but she didn't understand, and by the time she did, it was too late.

* * *

I saw a meadow, with flowers all beautiful and serene. Innocent, just like the girl with the big blue eyes, and long blonde hair who was sitting in the middle of them. All of a sudden, Katniss arrived with her arrows. She flashed an evil grin and started sending arrows with string attached to them all around the girl. Soon the girl, Prim, was all caught and tangled in her makeshift net. Then Katniss shot a different arrow, with a red feather on it, right into the net. It pierced the little girl before erupting into flames, which caught on every surface they reached. The world was full of fire and ashes and I watched as Katniss, one by one, pulled people I loved from a crowd of prisoners, and, one by one throw them into the fire. Then I saw her mouth move and heard her voice, screaming at me,

_ "You'll never save them Peeta-they don't have a chance, and now-no one loves you at all. Not even me. "_

Her words were harsh, but behind them I heard a faint whisper, also coming from Katniss. She sounded raspy, as if she had lost her voice, and I could hear her labored breathing.

"Peeta! Peeta, no, please, no! I love you, for real. I would never hurt you or your family, ever. I love you Peeta, I love you more than life itself. "

Then I heard her stop breathing and everything went black.

* * *

**So...What do you think? Thanks to mebe1993 who noticed my orginaztion error (as in the intimidating block of text that was my chapter) within 3 minutes of me posting it-that was great:) **

**To the rest of you...**

**That was a hard chapter to write, but I thought it was necessary for y'all to understand ALL of the circumstances... Tell me what you think!**

**Last but not least- **

**R&R- for Peeta or Prim- or your personal favorite character...**

**and**

**A question for you!  
**

**Would Anyone in fanfiction-land be willing to submit some tributes to me so I could write y'all an SYOT? They're SO fun...**

**Anywho (I suppose that wasn't last but not least...)**

**With my beautiful awkward finish here, I shall ask you to read and review, at least for the sake of my brithday...**

**Thank You Much!**

**-mrspeetamellark97**


	5. Chapter 5

**Wow, guys! Thanks so much for your incredible support! It meant the world to me when I woke up and saw that here were 5(!) new reviews! Coolest thing ever-thanks:)**  
**And now for my news:**  
**I'm going to be asking a question (or 2, or 3, or 4 or so...) at the end of each chapter now. Nothing too personal, but just kind of fun! So-my request is that you answer the question, whether by PM or review. Answers will encourage me to write faster and more prolifically. So...yeah:)**

**And**

**I got on my school's volleyball team and we practice everyday after school, so it may be a little bit longer in between updates-but I promise I will. Sorry this one took so long, it's (I think) my longest chapter, and I was getting used to my volleyball practices...**

**Now my review deal:**

**So, Reviews and PMs are always welcome, along with constructive (or not) criticism…Only thing I ask, is please do not swear in any of your messages to me…I have a firm belief against cursing… Which also means for you, that if Peeta or Katniss or someone is upset, and they do curse, I'll literally say:**

**"Katniss cursed at the bedpost as she fell to the ground"**

**New chapter, up next!**

**-mrspeetamellark97**

* * *

I woke up to a pounding headache. I heard blood rushing to my ears as I stared up at the ceiling of our family room.  
'Wait. Why am I asleep in the family room?' I thought. 'I must have dozed off for a few minutes'. I then felt the sun streaming down on my face and looked out the window. It was almost noon. Why had I slept so long?  
Then I recalled the happenings of last night with Katniss. Where was katniss? I looked to my left. Nothing. To my right-there she was. My beautiful charming wife, looking so peaceful when she slept. I moved closer to her to wake her up, and I went to give her a kiss, but I noticed something odd. She was cold. Really cold. I lay my head down on her chest to listen for her heartbeat. Was it there? Yes, just barely underneath her clothing, I heard it beating-erratically. I checked her pulse, which was faint and thready. What happened to her? I wondered. I tried in shock to wake her up. "Katniss, please. Wake up! I love you, Katniss. I need you to wake up! For me." I started to cry, and the taste of salt filled my mouth as I tried not to break down and have an episode. "Please, sweetheart. I love you too much to let you slip away from me like this. Please. Please."

I was sobbing by the time the ambulance got there. Haymitch had apparently seen me look out the window and had wondered why I wasn't at work, so he came over to check. When he looked through the front window, he saw me checking for her heartbeat and pulse, and when I started crying for Katniss, he knew something was wrong.

They came into the house and took her away on a stretcher. She looked so pathetic laying there, so pale and unmoving. If I hadn't known better, I would've thought she was dead. Then one of the paramedics came to me.

"Son," he said, "we're going to have to take you in a separate ambulance, since you've got a mighty fine list of injuries yourself."

I hadn't even realized that I had injuries. As I looked down on myself, I saw the blue and black covering my legs, along with the uncorfortable positioning of my arm. Although I saw that I was, in fact, injured, I protested the idea, wanting to be with Katniss, in case the unthinkable occured.  
"Sir, I can't do that. She is my wife, and I love her more than anything in this world. Please don't separate us now. I will let her go when we get to the hospital, but right now I want to spend every spare minute of my time with her. "

The paramedic sighed in defeat. "Alright, son. But if I hear that you caused any trouble..."

"No, sir. You won't!" I shouted back as I moved quickly to her vehicle, before they closed the doors.

I held her hand the whole way there. As we drove I tried to imagine what caused her to come so close to death, and why I didn't prevent it. Then I realized. It was me. I started crying, and my mind was screaming at me , first that She was a mutt, then that I was a mutt, then that I had hurt Katniss. How could I ever forgive myself? I was the reason that my wife was in this ambulance, en route to the hospital. It was my fault that my wife was nearly dead, and that she appeared to be in some sort of a comatose state. It was my fault that- one of the paramedics on board interrupted my train of thought.  
"Mr. Mellark? We just pulled in, my name is Samuel. I'm going to escort you to the Emergency Room right now, once you can be released from there, I'll take you right to your wife."  
All of a sudden I was overcome with fatigue.  
"Thank you very much, Samuel. I really appreciate your kindness and concern."  
He wheeled me into the ER, where they examined my arm and my legs.

My elbow, which was swollen, black, and blue to begin with, was dislocated. My doctors told me, however, they couldn't fix it immediately, because I would need an operation. Then they went to examine my legs. I had had no problem moving them, they were just severely bruised, and so it was deemed that I had done no permanent damage, but that I had a sprained ankle. To myself, I wondered why I hadn't noticed any of these injuries myself, even though I knew that I had been intent on Katniss' survival. Lastly, the doctors had to check my chest area, they said it was routine for ER patients who came in with injuries. The funny thing about that was, although it was "routine" for them, that was the only place where I actually felt pain. They answered that question easily enough, I had two broken ribs. I thanked the doctors for their help and treatment, but as soon as they left to get the anestesiologist, my thoughts shrugged off my injuries and immediately went to Katniss. My wife, my beautiful lovely wife. She did everything, gave everything for me-and this is how I repaid her. I was despicable.

The anestesiologist came in and was explaning the procedure to me, and what would occur. I half-listened and instead waited for a time to get my question in. As soon as he paused, I jumped at my chance.  
"Once I'm done with my operation, will I be able to see Katniss?" I demanded.

The doctor responded, but with reasonable uncertainty, which worried me.  
"I'm not entirely sure, Mr. Mellark. I put her under almost immediately after you two arrived, since they knew she would have to go in for surgery. That's all I know."

"do you even know what they're doing to her? They could be killing her, for all I know. When can I see her?" I replied, livid that I didn't know about the condition of my wife.

"Mr. Mellark, I don't know. I'm not your doctor, or hers. I can't tell you anything for sure. "

After hearing that, I turned my head so as not to look at the man who was injecting me with an anesthetic. It had caused flashbacks before and I wasn't going to let it happen again.

* * *

When I awoke, my right arm was encased in plaster and bandages, but it didn't have the dull ache that had come with it into the Emergency Room. My side seemed to be stabilized, and my ankle wasn't throbbing. I took all these as signs that I was recovering well, and so I pushed the button next to my bed to ring for my nurse. I then pleasantly asked her when I would get to see my wife. She replied that as soon as I could be released from the Emergency Room, I could go and see her. I was thrilled. Before she left however, I asked her what the date was.  
"It's May 11th, honey. You've been here for two days already."  
That was when my good mood crashed.  
"Wait," I paused, "did I come in on the 9th?"  
"Yes you did, and you'll be out again in no time!" with those chipper words of encouragement, my nurse left, probably becuase she saw my mood dropping rapidly.

Today was May 11th. I had almost murdered my wife, on her birthday. How cruel was I, to let that happen? To do it to her? For the next three days I sat alone in my hospital room. Then they released me, at last, to normal care. I was now allowed to use a wheelchair and maneuver myself through the halls. I still couldn't see Katniss, because she was still in the ICU, and I wasn't released for home yet. I had two more days left in the wheelchair, and then I would be released. Those two days were agonizing. I wanted to see my wife, so badly, and I asked my doctors if I could, which just got continuously negative results. Finally, on that last day they released me, and told me to go home for the night, and to come back tomorrow. Then I would get to see my wife. It was a bittersweet moment for me. Yes, I would get to see my wife, but I also caused her pain and discomfort and I almost caused her death. I went home, and didn't sleep. I just thought. About myself, Katniss, Prim, my problems. I almost went into the bathroom and ended all of them right there, but then...I stopped. I couldn't leave Katniss like that. Even if I didn't love her, I would never do something so cruel. If she was in a good emotional state, and not so troubled , then she might've been able to handle that, but not now. And so I waited and thought more...

The next morning I headed over to the hospital as early as I could, to make sure I was there for as long as possible. I checked in as a visitor, and went to see my wife in the ICU. To my surprise, she was unconcious.  
"again," I thought, "she won't ever be tired again after this."  
Then I asked her doctor about her prognosis.  
"Is this your wife?" he asked. I just nodded.  
"well, she had a rough week. When she was first brought in, she was ten minutes from death. There wasn't enough oxygen getting to her brain, and she had hit her head, both of which combined put her into a coma. We made her stable, and she's breathing, and we set her broken ribs, but that's all we can do right now. The best thing you could do would be to talk to her. She might wake up if she hears a familiar voice. Also, I should warn you that there's a chance that she may have temporary retrograde amnesia due to her head injury, meaning she might not remember recent events well, but older ones are vivid to her."

"So, all I have to do is talk to her? She's been in a coma for a week and you want me to talk to her?"

"Yes, Mr. Mellark. Your wife is unhealthy and her body is trying to fix things inside of it, so all she needs is some encouragement from you. Kind phrases, gentle tones, loving thoughts, caring expressions. Just talk. Even if it's all about you, it's better than nothing."

I sighed in defeat and sat down in the corner as he left. I started crying. Tears ran down my face as I clamored off the floor and into a rolling chair, and then towards her. I missed her so much. I wanted to hold her so badly. I snuck over and climbed into the bed with her, careful not to disturb the peaceful look on her face, a mask of the danger lurking beneath. I was so tired, and I hadn't been able to sleep without her next to me. Before I drifted off, I whispered in her ear.  
"You're more than enough for me, Katniss. You are beautiful, you have a purpose, you are loved. I love you so much, more than you will ever be able to fathom. I love you, Katniss."

* * *

**Okay..so the normal end of chapter stuff, read and review... I'm so sorry it took me SO long to upload this...I don't have nearly enough time as I used to...**

**My Questions: How many times have you seen the Hunger Games Movie? Did you like it? Who was your favorite actor/actress in it (one of each please)?**

**Love Y'all**

**-mrspeetamellark97**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok everyone...**

**I'm sorry for my prolonged absence, but I've made a decision about this story. It was too dark, upsetting, and tragic for my taste, given the way it was going, and so... I'm abandoning it. It's also not realistic enough for me, and I didn't feel the same connection to it that I did before... **

**And so, it's with a heavy heart, and tears in my eyes that I dismiss this story, and now I will begin on my next journey, a new story about Katniss and Peeta, with an incredibly interesting twist. **

**Thank you for your support, I'll hopefully see you again soon,**

**-mrspeetamellark97**


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